My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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