Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
