Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.