ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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