Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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