Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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