im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize