we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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