please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
