My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
