Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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