How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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