So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
