i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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