how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We are two peas in an std pod
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
