I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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