ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I could fuck to npr.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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