The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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