I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
