kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
