We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize