if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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