try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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