Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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