so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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