Where is the hickey?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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