do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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