Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everclear isn't food dammit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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