Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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