i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
