Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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