Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
