How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
