im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
