Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
