I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Houston, we have a blender
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
