Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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