I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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