ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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