Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
