If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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