Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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