I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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