so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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