saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
