4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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