Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
