We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
