i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
