and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
