I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize