direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
