I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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