my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
