I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
