I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
