I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
