would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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