Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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