can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
