u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
