I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
