Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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