I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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