I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
