he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They have beer where we have blood.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
