Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
