I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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