I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
