thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
