Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
