She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
